i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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