Sry I called you an 8
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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