is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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