As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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