Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
