I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize