I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
