im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize