Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
