she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
