There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
