I am full of burrito and curiosity
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
