What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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