So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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