i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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