Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
