apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
