I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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