I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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