Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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