this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
