Just cropdusted the office
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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