I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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