Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
