why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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