im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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