i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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