You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I have demons in me.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Quick, to the slutcave!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize