I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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