Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
