Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She bit a glass in half.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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