I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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