There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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