im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Is Oprah even human
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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