You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
