Your dad touched me again.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
