Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
