so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize