just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
