Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
