you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
