Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
