he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
