my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
