I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
