you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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