In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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