When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
