I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize