Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
