While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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