If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
