Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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