happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
