can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
