Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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