You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize