I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
