even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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