they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
