I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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