Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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