Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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