sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
True college students do jello shots in the library
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
