why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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