I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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