I feel like abortions should bother me more
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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