shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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