If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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